Why not just say what you mean?
Something that took me literal decades to understand is that neurotypical folks don’t typically say what they mean.
This creates all sorts of awkward social and professional situations where…
- Direct statements are perceived as blunt or rude.
- People say one thing, but mean another, and you don’t realize it.
But you can also harness this to your advantage.
Because people so rarely say what they actually mean, your ADHD tendency to do so can be an asset.
You’re the person who gives honest opinions when no one else will. You point out that the emperor has no clothes. You’re a leader, not a follower.
The trick is to be mindful of whose work your talking about, and how you phrase the criticism.
Early in my career, I had a tendency to say stuff like…
This code is absolute garbage.
And then realize half-a-second too late that the person who wrote it was sitting across from me.
I could make the same point without being an asshole by saying something like…
This code is written in a way that makes adding features our customers are asking for a lot more difficult than it has to be.
It’s both less mean and more useful.
And it’s still the kind of feedback that most people won’t give, because most people don’t say what they mean.