I don't make eye contact
While my ADHD can make me exceptionally chatty (even though I’m an introvert who needs lots of quite alone time to recharge afterwards), I tend not to actually make eye contact with the people I talk to.
I can either…
- Look at your eyes while you’re talking, or
- Actually listen to what you’re saying.
I cannot do both, and option 2 is obviously the better, preferred one.
The problem with not making eye contact, though, is that neurotypicals live for that shit. If you don’t look at someone’s face when they’re talking, they think you’re not paying attention (just like with fidgeting), or are distinterested.
It also means you might miss body language cues, though you’ll often be more likely to pick up on changes in tone of voice.
Video calls are actually amazing for this!
Because the camera on your computer is never where someone’s face is on screen, you looking slightly off from someone’s eyes is normalized on video calls.
In real life, it’s a lot harder.
For a long time, I used to pick a spot near their face but off in the distance and try to stare at that. But frankly, that’s fucking exhausting and has the same effect as eye contact: I miss what they’re saying.
Now, if it’s with someone I don’t know, I just tell them.
Hey, just so you know: I have ADHD, so I tend to stare off somewhere else when you’re talking. I promise I’m paying attention. I just need to do that to focus!
This, of course, requires you to tell people you have ADHD, and you might not want to do that for a variety of reasons.
But if you’re comfortable doing it, it can really smooth over what would otherwise be an awkward social situation (for other people).