Adderall: day one
I’ve known I had ADHD since I was a kid, but I’ve never been on medication… until yesterday.
Today, I wanted to share my experience (as much for myself so I don’t forget as for your benefit). Let’s dig in!
Why pursue medication after years without it?
For decades, I’ve managed and harnessed my ADHD exclusively through systems, tools, and environmental modification.
It’s served me relatively well, but it’s also been a bit of a roller coaster.
And now that I’m in my 40s, I’m finding that some of those tools and systems don’t work quite as well as they used to. I’m unsure if it’s my aging brain, the complexity of life that comes with middle age, or (most likely) a mix of things.
But it feels like I’m playing on hard mode more than I previously did, and I don’t want to anymore.
I’ve seen first-hand how effective medication can be for some people (but not everyone), and decided I wanted to see if it might work for me as well.
The process
I’ll be honest: actually getting a prescription for Adderall fucking suuuuucked!
Despite knowing I had ADHD since I was a kid, I apparently had no formal diagnosis in any of my medical records. I talked to my primary care doctor, who didn’t want to go anywhere near re-diagnosing me or writing a prescription.
Step one was finding a psychiatrist.
I specifically sought out ones that specialized in ADHD. I found a few that looked promising, and then… didn’t call any of them, because ADHD is an executive functioning disorder, and making phone calls is hard.
I did find one who had a form on their home page. You provide some info, and they call you. I did that one. It worked really well!
The psychiatrist diagnosed me that day, and wrote me a prescription for an extremely tiny starting dose of Adderall to see how I react to it.
Insurance in America sucks
My insurance provider, Harvard Pilgrim Health, was awful to work with.
They rejected my Adderall prescription, despite it being a covered medication on my plan.
Why? Because I “didn’t have any record of having ADHD prior to the age of 12.” Of course, that makes no fucking sense. People get diagnosed as adults all the time, and how the fuck would the psychiatrist I just met know that, other than taking my word for it?
Multiple phone calls went nowhere. I filed a complaint with my state, and magically one business day later they suddenly reversed their decision.
The Adderall experience
For years, one of my hesitations around taking ADHD meds was that it would change me.
ADHD creates challenges, but I also love who I am and love some of the wonderful gifts it provides. I didn’t want to lose those.
But that’s not actually how these meds work.
My ADHD doesn’t go away. It doesn’t “fix” ADHD. I still felt creative and able to hyperfocus.
In my (very limited) experience, the Adderall acted more like the goggle’s Cyclops wears in X-Men. They don’t remove your ADHD powers. They let you control and channel them more effectively.
For example, today I took a break.
Normally, I’d start watching YouTube, and realize 30 minutes to an hour later than I hadn’t stopped. But today, I watched for 5 minutes, told myself, “OK, time to be done,” and switched back to work.
That was amazing.
I also found that because my executive function took less energy to wrangle during the day, I had more of it to spare at night. That burnt out feeling I usually get wasn’t there.
This meant I was more kind, present, and engaged for my family, which was awesome!
The bad
Normally, I have a snack in the afternoon.
I was so hyperfocused on work tasks that I forgot to today. By dinner time, I felt a little dizzy. Food fixed it right up.
But I’m not normally someone who forgets to eat, so I need to set a reminder for myself on my smart watch going forward, I think.
The caveats
It’s been one day. That’s not enough time to really evaluate a new medication.
My starting dose is comically low. My understanding is that I’ll get used to it after about a week, and will likely need to increase it. It will take some trial-and-error to fine tune the right dose for me.
I’m also not fully sure if the Adderall worked, or if I experienced a placebo effect because I expected it to. Brains are weird like that!
All-in-all, though, I’m happy with how it worked, and I’ll be curious to see how I feel after a few more weeks. I wish I’d done this sooner, to be honest.
If you have any questions about things that I didn’t mention here, reach out and ask!